The name Judas Iscariot popped out at me as I read today’s Gospel from Matthew 10:1-7. The 12 Apostles were named and the last one mentioned was Judas with the tag, “who betrayed Jesus.” Last night, I betrayed Jesus. I chose me over Jesus knowing full-well that He would not approve. I was the perfect definition of sin.
Both Judas and I, after our sin, were distraught. Judas had spent years with Jesus and had to know him well. He had to know of God’s mercy from all the teachings of Jesus. And knowing this, he wanted to give the blood money back but when refused, he went off and hung himself. The pain of his guilt and his own pride kept him from asking for God’s great mercy, the same mercy he extended to a repentant thief on the cross.
Unlike Judas, I am not going to do something rash though I am deeply sorry for my choice. If I could take it back I would but in life, I have to move forward trusting in the mercy of God. Today is a new day. I come before the Lord a sinful man but with great hope that with the help of his grace, I will avoid this sin in the future. It doesn’t seem like enough to keep telling God I am sorry when I fall but I believe that is why He was willing to take all the suffering I cause Him and die for me.
Jesus sent those 12 Apostles out, including Judas, to seek the lost sheep of Israel. I would say He is sending me also and even though I am so far from being the perfect disciple I am called to be, he will use me and my feeble attempt to serve Him for His glory to bring others to Himself. I think this is what lifts me up each day to know that I can do nothing on my own but with Jesus, wow, who knows?